Being a camp counsellor, I have dealt with some pretty disgusting things before. But even when a kid is about to throw up he knows it's coming and you usually get some sort of warning. Not so on the road to Pai. This stretch is notorious for being the windiest route in all of Thailand. On the way up, the guy who was sitting two seats over from me got car sick and let loose all over the window. This is a man who is at least thirty years old and really should have known better. This is a small van and after we'd finally got him all cleaned up, his girlfriend decided she'd join the party but at least she managed to get a plastic bag under her mouth. It was pretty obvious that the two of them had just scarfed down some Thai street food right before they hopped in the van, and as the smell of egg noodles and Pad Thai permeated throughout our vehicle, I couldn't help but hate these people. Worst of all, they kept throwing up, they just didn't stop! I went from being sympathetic, (well no....not really but let's pretend I cared for the sake of the story,) to mildly disgusted, to completely shocked at the volume that was erupting from their oral cavities at regular intervals! It was like they decided to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and tried every single tray! But the best part is when we stopped for gas, all their little bags of vomit were hung from the back of a seat like some sort of demented bulimic Christmas tree! And they didn't bother throwing them out!!! They just grabbed more bags and hopped right back in the van! What the hell were they doing? Saving it for later? Starting a collection? What the Christ is wrong with some people?!?
"Scooter Monthly" called, they want me. And so do you. As soon as we got to Pai we rented scooters and took off to a waterfall. The "lonely planet" guide book states that the two most common causes of death among backpackers are drugs and scooter accidents. Obviously what I was taking wasn't strong enough so I opted to cheat death via transportation instead. The waterfall was amazing, we met up with a few more buddies and as soon as you get three or more guys in one place you know what happens. "I dare you to..." By the end of the afternoon we were sliding down the waterfall on our asses and at one point I got so much air that I was launched right off the rock slide about halfway down and landed in the pool below. We decided to call it quits after that.
That night, Ian and Derrick made us promise to go to this Shisha bar for a drinking competition. Since I like drinking and competition, the thought of the two of them combined sounded like a good idea and it didn't take much convincing.
I had no idea what I had just agreed to.
So here was the deal. If you could drink 12 shots of either Seagram's 100 Whiskey, Sambuka, or Tequila before midnight then you got a free tee-shirt and depending on how many shots you completed you'd get points for your country as well. Oh boy!
I think we started around 9:30pm that night, which gave us around two and a half hours to complete the task at hand. Twelve shots you say? Big deal you say? Funny........that's what I thought too! There had to be a catch, and you know what ? There was!
The shot glasses were about the size of a schooner! Each shot had to contain at least 2oz.'s of whatever poison you picked that night.
Unless my math is wrong, that's 24 shots of whiskey in under two and a half hours. And "Jim" the bartender called us pussies. Two of my friends dropped out almost instantly but Derrick, Ian and I persevered.
I could give you a play-by-play of what happened before midnight but truth be told I don't really remember anything after about the 8th double shot.
Ian was the first to go. (He's the one who looks like he just took a punch to the nuts five pictures above.) Matt had to give him a scooter ride home and hold him on the seat the whole time. When he got back to the guesthouse he proceeded to vomit all over the walkway. Somehow Derrick managed to find his way back and when he saw Ian puking all over the place he started to kick him in the ass. Ian was so drunk he couldn't put up any sort of defense and eventually Derrick realized he'd have to result to cruder measures. He put his foot on the back of Ian's neck and put all his weight on him until Ian's arms collapsed and he went sprawling into the bushes......all the while still retching. Lovely.
This is Damian, he was one of the soberer ones that night. Where was I during this little escapade you ask? Good question! It turned out that I was feeling just fine and since Matt and Damian were headed out to go on the prowl I thought I'd tag along. This proved to be my downfall. We got to a bar and there were a couple of good looking girls and being the suave individual that I am, (and as the last shot of whiskey was starting to seep into my bloodstream,) I proceeded to go over and dance with them. I was on top of the world! Here I was the only guy dancing with a couple of cute girls while everyone else in the bar just sat around and looked on awestruck and jealous!
Within a half an hour Matt and Damian were carrying me home because at some point I'd gotten onto the topic of religion with a couple of Israelis and I told them how stupid I thought religious people were and how religion was just a ploy to trick people into giving money they couldn't afford to religious groups who didn't deserve it. I'm sure I didn't articulate this point as eloquently as I do now, since I had just drank 24 shots of whiskey in under two and a half hours and was so drunk I couldn't even sit down without sliding off my chair. Matt and Damian decided it was time for me to go..........now! But did I listen? Hell no, I was on a roll! Plus I was hungry! The following definitions are from Wikipedia.com,
Rock:
A rock is a naturally occurring aggregate of minerals and/or mineraloids. The Earth's lithosphere is made of rock. In general rocks are of three types, namely, igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic. Petrology is the scientific study of rocks.
Rock Bottom:
Finishing off your shameful night of drinking debauchery and embarrassing attempts to pick up women by heading to a 7-11 in Thailand and finishing off the last few hot dogs rotating on the counter display case.
The next morning I felt pretty bad, not as bad as Ian and Derrick who didn't get out of bed until 4:00pm but I still felt pretty aweful. So what do I do after a night of evil antics? I decide to clean myself up and go on adventure! Matt and Damian and I grabbed our scooters............(and yes, I do think it's funny that I ended up with the pink one,).........and headed up to the Luang Pong hot springs for some R & R.
Along the way we stopped off at the Thai equivalent of the Grand Canyon but luckily we had the sense to just take pictures as we were all a little tired, the path was only about a foot wide in some places, and the forest floor was some 200 feet below.
Aaaaahhhh! The hot springs!
While the sulphuric water didn't do our many cuts and scrapes much good, once you got in this place was pure bliss!
That night we headed back to the Shisha bar to calculate out total and strut around the bar hoping everyone would be impressed. Turned out that the three of us all got gold medals which meant that we accumulated enough points to knock the US out of third place in the International Competition.
YEAH!!!!
