Bangkok (Sept 8-13)

Ah finally! On the way to Bankok.........where the party never stops and the women have cocks. After a tiring journey, Matt, Damian and I made our overnight train and settled down for a good night sleep. Or so we thought.



God damn it!!! Why did there have to be fun people on the train?!? Fun people who also got kicked out of their car for making too much noise and then helped us start drinking games in the diner car!!



At one point Matt decided he was hungry but rather than actually pay for food he just nestled up to some local Thai's and started to pick away. Nice.



He was very proud of himself for obtaining a free meal that evening. What a dick!

I arrived in Bangkok with Damien and we met up with some friends , (Jay, Jamie, and Jason)from Vietnam as well as Jenna, Caley, and her boyfriend Matt...........oh yeah.........and this girl I met on the train down from Chang Mai..........that's not a story for this PG-13 blog however. The evening started with dinner and a few beer towers. (That's one on the left side of the picture.) How these things haven't taken over the world is beyond me!?!

Three litres of beer served in a chilled tube that you are free to pour at your own leisure........

Disaster, thy name is beer tower!!!

For some unfathomable reason, I decided to impress everyone (read: Sandra, the girl from the train,) by ordering a really spicy dish that night. Because after all I am "the man" and "the man" will always try to impress people at the cost of his own personal dignity.

The dish was so hot I almost threw up in a half-empty beer tower. I had to run to the bathroom and chug tap water until my taste buds started working again. As soon as they did, they started tasting Bangkok tap water and I almost threw up again. My favorite part of the meal was when I was in the bathroom and this guy approached me and asked me how I liked Bangkok. "It's okay I guess," I replied. "How do YOU like Bangkok?" The man straightened up and thought it over for a second. "Patia's way better," he said with a grin. "There's a way better selection of women and they're MUCH cheaper." Then he winked at me. For once in my life I couldn't think of anything to say, something along the lines of, "hey pal, do me a favor and don't touch anything else in here before I leave okay?" would have been appropriate but alas, I was flabbergasted and couldn't think straight.

Right, as soon as dinner was over and we felt we'd consumed enough liquor, it was time to head to a dance club. I think we were the only non-Asians there and as such, we felt it was our duty to get everyone up on the dance floor.



Actually Caley's boyfriend Matt and I decided it was our duty to buy each other shots until we were so drunk we couldn't see but everyone else apparently felt like dancing.

The next day Damian and I decided to take in some of the sights. All we managed to see was the MBK center which is this massive mall that's about ten stories high. The movie theaters are amazing, for about $8 you get your own 12 seat theater and you can order food brought right to you........sweet!

The next morning we decided to fully immerse ourselves in the Thai culture and join up for a kickboxing class. I decided to post this picture of Caley since she was the only one that could actually kick properly and make it look cool. Then I remembered that Caley's taken years of kickboxing and that I'd better be careful teasing her because one of those kicks could probably split one of my nuts in half like a car running over a pumpkin.

This is Matt and I pretending to look tough. What we were really doing is trying hard not to throw up.

Muay Thai Boxing is much easier when no one's hitting you back.

Team grease.

After doing battle with Quantas the next day, I exited the airline center and saw a sign that said, "Snake farm." All the whiskey in Ireland wouldn't have prevented me from going in!

The guide informed us that all the people who worked at the farm had been bitten by a poisonous snake at least twice............."look ma, no hand!"

The best part of the show was when one of the guides got bitten by a tree snake. He tried to cover it up and walk casually out of everyone's view but I was standing on the side and got to watch two people try and stop his arm from bleeding all over the floor!

This little girl was to scared to go and hold a snake up all by herself so her dad went up with her. This is probably one of the cutest things I have ever seen in my life!

The whole center is run by the red cross and the experience was pretty educational. Did you know that the anti-venom is mixed with horse blood? Well now you do!

That afternoon we headed over to the infamous Jim Thompson's House.

This guy basically made the Thai silk industry what it is today. He was a bit eccentric and all the different parts of his house were imported from all over the world.

He also devoted his life to collecting all sorts or antiques.

In 1967 he mysteriously disappeared and no one has heard from him since. There are many different theories but no one knows for sure what happened!

And what night would be complete without a Thai boxing match?

The next day we headed to the Royal Palace. After Cambodia I thought it would be a waste of time but man was I wrong!

This place was incredible!!! Here's a picture of all the different Stupas that have influences from all over the region. You can clearly see here the difference between Sri Lanken, Thai, and Cambodian architecture.

And everything was made of 24-carat.....gooooooooooooold! (Said to the tune of "Goldmember.")

Seriously, would you look at this place?

This woman is repairing one of the monuments. Every 50 years there is a huge restoration project that takes place. First they have to cover everything in this tar-like substance before repainting the whole building in.........you guessed it.........24-carat....gooooooooooooooold!

I tried to find out, but no one had any idea how much this place is worth. Or how much the upkeep is. I'd guess somewhere around half a cottage in Muskoka.

Typical Nelson.....just typical.

This is the jade Buddha. You're not allowed to take pictures inside the Wat so this was the best shot I could get! Supposedly lighting struck a temple in some village town and split a Wat in half. When the villagers looked inside they saw a Buddha image and upon further examination it was believed that under all the dust and grime it was made of jade! The image was brought here and is now of such esteemed importance that when a Thai person goes to court they swear on the jade Buddha!

My new drinking buddy.

One of the royal guards, and some dude in a white suit and hat with a gun.

Seriously this place was unbelievably beautiful!

Take your breathe AAAAaaaaaWWWaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAyyyyyyyy!!!! (Sung like the theme from "Top Gun.")



That night Matt and Damian and I decided to party it up again on Koh San Road. We drank a lot, started horsing around and trying to pick up girls, had drinks with the locas and basically acted like a complete bunch of assholes. My favorite point was when we got the Ping-Pong Show guys to go up to a group of American Girls and start making popping noises and rudly gesturing with their fingers. The girls were so disgusted that they ran off screaming down the street and the three of us broke down laughing on the sidewalk with the Ping Pong Show guys giving us high fives!!!

At one point during the night we decided to see how badly we could creep out passing groups of female tourists. Who wouldn't want to get hit on by these two beauties?

Even Ronald thought we were pretty funny although he wouldn't let us into the kiddie pen to play with his balls.

This is what happened when "Pimp My Ride" decided to do an episode on tuk-tuk's.

Okay so here was the deal. As the night wore on, the three of us made a bet that if we got offered to go to a Ping Pong show more than 15 times doing one circut to the end of the road and back, we'd go. I think the tally was 21 times but I'm not sure. (By the way if you don't know what a Ping-Pong Show is then visit this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ping_pong_show.) Hence, around midnight we found ourselves in the red-light district, After the show was over, we left the.....um.......theater.....and proceeded to make our way back to our hotel. The picture above is of one particular lady-boy who took a shining, (with a little prompting from me I might add,) to my buddy Matt.

Matt's a pretty smooth talker and he's also a jerk which is how he managed to throw this right back in my face and why I enjoy hanging out with him so much.

While I don't remember this picture being taken I do know it was taken in the wee hours of the morning. I haven't the slightest clue as to what I was doing, where I was or what goal I thought I might be acheiving.

This picture of the three of us in the morning is pretty blurry but then again, so was our vision. I kind of realized that after you stay on Koh San Road for more than a week you cease being a "backpacker" and start to become "part of the problem." We left shortly after and headed south.