Melbourne (June 28-July1)

Ah Melbourne!! I loved this city! Not only did I get to go to an Aussie Rules Football Game but I scored free accommodation with a friend's family!! An night where I don't have to worry about someone stealing my shit? Sweet!



It takes about a half an hour of watching this game to figure out what the hell is going on. My favorite play is when, (unlike in the NFL,) a guy is going for a kick with no padding and someone from the other team runs into him full steam from twenty yards out. I'm going to throw it out there....these guys are probably tougher than I am.



Since it was standing room only we had to make do and have drinks with the fans from both sides.



Practically everyone showed up to watch the game...even the Ku Klux Klan!



It's good!



The next day some friends and I took off for the Queen Victoria Market which is where you'd go to find 50 pairs of socks for $12. Or a belt buckle with a skull and cross bones on it. Or get a discount on an airport transport container for pets. You can get pretty much everything here!



After a couple of hours at the market I needed a rest so I opted to check out of the hostel where I was staying and head on over to my friend Charlie's place. Chuck wasn't there but his family had been given a brief and let me in anyway.



This is a view out of their window, that's how close to the rugby stadium they are.



No I didn't end up in prison. Well I sort of did but as a tourist. This is a picture of the Old Melbourne Gaol where such notorious criminals as Ned Kelly were hung.



By the way, in case you're ever in Australia or apparently England, the word "Gaol," is not pronounced "ga-oul." It's actually an alternate spelling of the word "Jail." I'm just letting you know you idiot so that when you are asking directions for the place the locals don't say, "What the hell are you on about mate?" and then I looked at my shoes embarrassed.



I'm not saying Ned Kelly wasn't a bad ass or anything but it would have been pretty hard to ride away from a bank robbery all inconspicuous like dressed like a Night's Templar in a dominatrix outfit.



136 people met there death at this very spot. That's the beam and the trap door used in most of the hangings. Cool!

Great Ocean Road (June 26-28)

Onwards and upwards!!! It was time to leave Adelaide and head into the Victoria territory. A dozen of us piled into a bus and off we went!



While very beautiful the weather took a turn for the worst on the second day and on one of our nature walks it actually started to snow!!



Damn straight.



After hiking for nearly an hour I got to the top of the cliff and took this picture just as my eyes were beginning to freeze shut.



Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Damn it's cold!!!



The next day the weather cleared up and we continued our journey along the coast.



This drive really was impressive as millions of years of weathering and erosion left some remarkable rock formations. Luckily we had an experienced driver who took her job on the road very seriously, always keeping one hand at 10 o'clock and the other at 2.



Finally we made it to the "Twelve Apostles." I found the name highly ironic as a few of them have fallen down and toppled into the sea. Originally these formations were called the "Pig and its Sows," but the Australian government felt it could attract more tourists if they put a religious spin on things. How sacred.





We also stopped by a formation that used to be called "London Bridge" but the bridge had also fallen into the sea. Why do I bring this up you ask? Get this. Two tourists had just walked over the bridge and got stranded on what had become an island just off the coast. They had to get rescued by helicopter and it was on national television. I'm sure this would have been quite the adventure had it not been two people who were out for a little romantic rendezvous cheating on their spouses!!! BUSTED!!



Once again remarkable scenery. Weird story though. At the place we stopped for accommodation on the second night there was 14 of us and 16 beds. One of the remaining beds was occupied by a Dutch tourist who's brother had recently been a victim of the shooting in Melbourne, which was pretty sad. Luckily his brother is going to pull through with no permanent damage. So I thought to myself, lets play a game to try and lighten the mood and I chose an old camp game called "Johnny Whoops," that involves you tracing your hand into the air with the fingers of your other hand. This would have been a lot of fun except that the guy who's brother had been shot was missing one of his fingers........."Willie Whoops!!!"

Adelaide Wineries (June 24/25)

This day went downhill pretty much as soon as I woke up. Part of the package I bought included a day trip to four different wineries located in Barossa Valley around the hills of Adelaide. On the way there we stopped by the biggest rocking horse in the world. But they were charging $2 to climb it.



So I climbed the little one instead.



Our first stop was the majestic Jacob's Creek which was one of the oldest wineries in the area. Being a red wine drinker of the opinion that all white wine tastes like vinegar, I was a little disappointed at having to "taste" about eight different white wines before the good stuff came along. I put the word "taste" in quotations because no one spits it out.....at least no one did in our group anyway. Down the hatch!



Our next stop was VineCrest which was my personal favorite. This was one of the smaller wineries in the area that had won hundreds of awards for their unique blend of berries. They also had a huge selection of red wines and since some of the people in our group hated red wine I offered to take their samples off their hands. You know.......in case my palette missed something the first time around...



At this point things began to get a little hazy. I figured that I had consumed approximately two bottles of wine and it wasn't even 10:00am yet. I also skipped breakfast so as to better prepare my mouth for the bold tastes that were to come.



I found a new friend outside the winery as I was rolling around in the grass outside the vineyard like an idiot.



My friend grew tired of me very quickly.



The next winery was Richmond Grove. I remember that it was very dark and cold for some stupid reason this was the only picture I took of the whole place. Oh! But they did serve bread sticks to us while we were wine tasting.........actually...........come to think of it........ they only make me eat the bread sticks while wine tasting....



On to beautiful Bethany!! I was so enthralled by this enchanting vineyard and the rolling hills that surrounded it that I bought two bottles of Shiraz Cabernet. I'm pretty sure that they just sold us the bottles to get us out of the place. We all smelled terrible, our speeches were slurred, our vision was blurred and our teeth looked like we'd eaten ten jam sandwiches and forgotten to brush. The bartender gave me a funny look when I asked him for Absinthe but I think he would have found some if I'd pressed him hard enough.



And get this. On the way home we stopped at a pub that told us if we each bought six beers they'd give us these Carleton trucker hats. I needed a hat anyway and since it was technically free I couldn't pass us such a good deal.



I think I was in bed by 7:30 that night.

Alice Springs to Adelaide (June 19-24)

After living it up in Alice Springs for a night, (read: trying not to get jumped by a bunch of hoods outside my hostel,) I signed up for a 5 1/2 day camping trip that would take me farther into the outback and all the way down to Adelaide in the Southern Territory. The first night we camped at a place called Kings Creek Station under the stars. Being the camp person that I was, I picked up my swag, (which is an extra warm sleeping bag with padding,) and hiked about 200m into the bush to sleep by myself that night. There was not a soul around and since there were no lights the stars that night were incredible! The only sound was a curious dingo who kept me company while I fell asleep.



The next morning we headed into Kings Canyon to experience the gorge and try and sweat out all the Bundaberg Rum that we'd drunk the night before.



In all seriousness.....(seriously,) the place was really cool and the hike was definitely worth it!



This is me pretending to be Indiana Jones.



After that it was onto Uluru for sunset. (Those of you that are uneducated might refer to this geographic phenomenon as Ayers Rock but it's not called that.........it's called Uluru.) Chew on that. Funny enough the clouds came out and ruined the whole damn sunset, the best picture I got that day was actually of the outback behind the Rock!



That night it was back to camping underneath the stars, in true Canadian fashion I showed the group how to make smores, which apparently they weren't as excited about as I was.



The next day we headed to Kata Tjuta better known as the Olgas to hike through the Valley of the Winds. This place is also sacred to the Aboriginals.....in fact come to think of it, I'm pretty sure everything in Australia is sacred to the Aboriginals. The amazing thing about this place is that if you stare at the rock formations long enough, they start to look like things. Like a Cheshire cat.



Or a giant vagina!!






Then it was back to Uluru to get yet another picture of the damn rock. I took so many stupid pictures of this thing that I never want to see an Australian postcard ever again. I felt like we were dating. Uluru is expecting pebbles next spring.





Sunrise at the Rock.



Yeah, yeah I know. Ayers Rock is sacred to the Aboriginals. And they get really upset when someone gets hurt or worse, dies (as 35 people have done,) while climbing the Rock. Well I do respect other cultures but let's get realistic for a second. I didn't fly halfway around the world and drive 2700kms to take a bloody picture!!



My parents climbed this thing about 10 years ago and I have to hand it to them this climb is pretty tricky in spots. The first half has a sort of chain railing that you have to hang onto otherwise the wind would blow you off the edge. After that you're on your own!



I raced as quickly as I could up to the summit so as to be the first one that day to conquer the Rock!!! I later found out that this feat is about as prestigious as getting "employee of the month" at McDonald's.



Still it was very peaceful up there, I had the whole place to myself for twenty minutes and it really was beautiful. We also stopped by the cultural center to learn more about the Aboriginals, and as much as I do joke about it, the culture aspect was pretty interesting!!



The next day we headed past the north/south marker and headed down to the mining town of Coober Pedy, the Opal capital of Australia.



This is a picture of the hostel we stayed at. I'm not kidding, it used to be an underground mine!!!



One thing I can say is that the mine was warm, the temperature had been hovering around one degree for the last few days and a real bed was certainly a welcome change!



After an amazing sleep we said goodbye to the Outback and headed off to Adelaide. This trip was incredible and if you're ever in Australia I would highly recommend it!!