Oh hello there! Sorry about that, didn't see you come in. Yes it's me again, back from the dead. For those of you concerned the answer is no, I haven't been arrested, deported, joined the official list of tourists "gone missing," joined a renegade separatist militia, or been sodomized by some lady boy in any way shape or form! Truth be told, Vietnam is not exactly the technological hub of South East Asia. Skype (a computer based phone service) is hit or miss at best, and the connections over here are so slow that they make Terry Fox climbing Mt. Everest look quick. But I digress, I'm making excuses. Where did we leave off? Ah yes Hanoi. In between Hanoi there should have been a blog entry regarding my trips to Ha Long Bay and Sapa.
Ha Long Bay was absolutely gorgeous, there's no other way to describe it.
Located on the east coast of Vietnam, this is a popular tourist destination for those who are getting extremely fed up with Hanoi.....or as I have coined the phrase....."Hanoid." (A little Vietnamese humor there.)
Speaking of gorgeous....
Okay, okay enough self-indulgence for one entry. My two companions (who were very upset by me not mentioning their names in the previous entry,) are Jenna Shelley, featured in the first photograph on the left and her respective partner in crime, Caley Borden. Neither one of them has let me touch their fun bits yet but I have one more night to go and two bottles of red wine so lets all cross our fingers and hope for the best.
Oh right. Ha Long Bay. After a short train ride we boarded out luxury yacht for the cruise around the islands.
Some of the sights included Pagoda's located on the top's of cliffs...
And fishing villages......located, not surprisingly, on the water!
One of the stops on the way to our destination that day were the ancient caves of something-or- other which were very sacred because of the amount of money the local government has put into making them look like a U2 concert.
When we finally arrived at our private island.........oh did I forget to mention we were staying on a private island? Well we were......what did you think, someone of my stature would wade around in the common folk located across the bay? Dear God man! Don't you know me at all?.....when we finally arrived at our private island I was terrified to learn that my roommate was in fact a giant jellyfish!
Lo and behold I was informed that this is actually a mosquito net and unless I wanted to increase my chances of getting malaria I'd better get used to sleeping in one.
The beach was spectacular. There were only 30 people on the whole island including the staff. One day I actually kayaked around the island with a few other guests only to learn that "takes one hour......no problem!" is actually Vietnamese for, "takes three hours........no shade....you burn up under hot sun asshole!"
Dinner was prepared right in front of us for that authentic feel.
All in all Ha Long Bay was not to disappoint. The views were incredible and the staff and food was excellent! What more could you ask for? On to Sapa!!!
Unfortunately we couldn't get the "soft sleeper" so we were forced to book the "hard sleeper" ticket. That meant that there were six of us crammed into something the size of a Canadian prison cell. Caley's bed actually came with air conditioning, but that's only because the fan blade was inches from her face.
The town of Sapa was breathtaking, sort of like Vietnam's answer to Whistler Village. Since it's located so high up in the mountains it's actually quite cool which is a welcome change from Hanoi where I lost about 3 litres of sweat before breakfast each day.
This stupid machine I have dubbed the "Christmas Machine." I think it takes your weight but in truth it just follows me from town to town annoying the shit out of me. I'm pretty sure it's the same damn guy. Not only have I NEVER seen anyone get their weight taken but it plays the same three Christmas tunes over and over at an octave slightly higher than that noise your car door makes when it's ajar. Dad, you'd love this thing!
Sapa is the trekking capital of the north so we joined up with a guide who took us all around the mountains.
Upon first glance you might get the impression that our guide is a little inexperienced but let me tell you he can chug rice wine with the best of them!
I tried to ask these tribal natives what they were selling but I couldn't hear their answers.......their shirts were too loud.
Get this. This little shit wouldn't let us cross his bridge unless we paid him a toll, a la Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I told our guide to point out to him that I was tired, dirty, wet, and I was two feet taller and out-weighed him by about 100lbs but our guide opted to pay him a fee instead.
Majestic!
Serene!
Sanitary cooking conditions!
That night we stayed with a hill tribe and had an amazing meal of spring rolls etc. The guides were all hilarious and we got drunk and played quiz games all evening........you know......instead of just getting drunk.
Another fantastic trip in Vietnam! Sapa was especially incredible because we got to see so many cultures and all joking aside it really did open your heart when you saw how poor some of these villagers are. This place really left an impression on me and I will never forget how friendly everyone was. If you are ever in Vietnam, sign up for a trek around here!
