Great Ocean Road (June 26-28)

Onwards and upwards!!! It was time to leave Adelaide and head into the Victoria territory. A dozen of us piled into a bus and off we went!



While very beautiful the weather took a turn for the worst on the second day and on one of our nature walks it actually started to snow!!



Damn straight.



After hiking for nearly an hour I got to the top of the cliff and took this picture just as my eyes were beginning to freeze shut.



Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Damn it's cold!!!



The next day the weather cleared up and we continued our journey along the coast.



This drive really was impressive as millions of years of weathering and erosion left some remarkable rock formations. Luckily we had an experienced driver who took her job on the road very seriously, always keeping one hand at 10 o'clock and the other at 2.



Finally we made it to the "Twelve Apostles." I found the name highly ironic as a few of them have fallen down and toppled into the sea. Originally these formations were called the "Pig and its Sows," but the Australian government felt it could attract more tourists if they put a religious spin on things. How sacred.





We also stopped by a formation that used to be called "London Bridge" but the bridge had also fallen into the sea. Why do I bring this up you ask? Get this. Two tourists had just walked over the bridge and got stranded on what had become an island just off the coast. They had to get rescued by helicopter and it was on national television. I'm sure this would have been quite the adventure had it not been two people who were out for a little romantic rendezvous cheating on their spouses!!! BUSTED!!



Once again remarkable scenery. Weird story though. At the place we stopped for accommodation on the second night there was 14 of us and 16 beds. One of the remaining beds was occupied by a Dutch tourist who's brother had recently been a victim of the shooting in Melbourne, which was pretty sad. Luckily his brother is going to pull through with no permanent damage. So I thought to myself, lets play a game to try and lighten the mood and I chose an old camp game called "Johnny Whoops," that involves you tracing your hand into the air with the fingers of your other hand. This would have been a lot of fun except that the guy who's brother had been shot was missing one of his fingers........."Willie Whoops!!!"

Adelaide Wineries (June 24/25)

This day went downhill pretty much as soon as I woke up. Part of the package I bought included a day trip to four different wineries located in Barossa Valley around the hills of Adelaide. On the way there we stopped by the biggest rocking horse in the world. But they were charging $2 to climb it.



So I climbed the little one instead.



Our first stop was the majestic Jacob's Creek which was one of the oldest wineries in the area. Being a red wine drinker of the opinion that all white wine tastes like vinegar, I was a little disappointed at having to "taste" about eight different white wines before the good stuff came along. I put the word "taste" in quotations because no one spits it out.....at least no one did in our group anyway. Down the hatch!



Our next stop was VineCrest which was my personal favorite. This was one of the smaller wineries in the area that had won hundreds of awards for their unique blend of berries. They also had a huge selection of red wines and since some of the people in our group hated red wine I offered to take their samples off their hands. You know.......in case my palette missed something the first time around...



At this point things began to get a little hazy. I figured that I had consumed approximately two bottles of wine and it wasn't even 10:00am yet. I also skipped breakfast so as to better prepare my mouth for the bold tastes that were to come.



I found a new friend outside the winery as I was rolling around in the grass outside the vineyard like an idiot.



My friend grew tired of me very quickly.



The next winery was Richmond Grove. I remember that it was very dark and cold for some stupid reason this was the only picture I took of the whole place. Oh! But they did serve bread sticks to us while we were wine tasting.........actually...........come to think of it........ they only make me eat the bread sticks while wine tasting....



On to beautiful Bethany!! I was so enthralled by this enchanting vineyard and the rolling hills that surrounded it that I bought two bottles of Shiraz Cabernet. I'm pretty sure that they just sold us the bottles to get us out of the place. We all smelled terrible, our speeches were slurred, our vision was blurred and our teeth looked like we'd eaten ten jam sandwiches and forgotten to brush. The bartender gave me a funny look when I asked him for Absinthe but I think he would have found some if I'd pressed him hard enough.



And get this. On the way home we stopped at a pub that told us if we each bought six beers they'd give us these Carleton trucker hats. I needed a hat anyway and since it was technically free I couldn't pass us such a good deal.



I think I was in bed by 7:30 that night.

Alice Springs to Adelaide (June 19-24)

After living it up in Alice Springs for a night, (read: trying not to get jumped by a bunch of hoods outside my hostel,) I signed up for a 5 1/2 day camping trip that would take me farther into the outback and all the way down to Adelaide in the Southern Territory. The first night we camped at a place called Kings Creek Station under the stars. Being the camp person that I was, I picked up my swag, (which is an extra warm sleeping bag with padding,) and hiked about 200m into the bush to sleep by myself that night. There was not a soul around and since there were no lights the stars that night were incredible! The only sound was a curious dingo who kept me company while I fell asleep.



The next morning we headed into Kings Canyon to experience the gorge and try and sweat out all the Bundaberg Rum that we'd drunk the night before.



In all seriousness.....(seriously,) the place was really cool and the hike was definitely worth it!



This is me pretending to be Indiana Jones.



After that it was onto Uluru for sunset. (Those of you that are uneducated might refer to this geographic phenomenon as Ayers Rock but it's not called that.........it's called Uluru.) Chew on that. Funny enough the clouds came out and ruined the whole damn sunset, the best picture I got that day was actually of the outback behind the Rock!



That night it was back to camping underneath the stars, in true Canadian fashion I showed the group how to make smores, which apparently they weren't as excited about as I was.



The next day we headed to Kata Tjuta better known as the Olgas to hike through the Valley of the Winds. This place is also sacred to the Aboriginals.....in fact come to think of it, I'm pretty sure everything in Australia is sacred to the Aboriginals. The amazing thing about this place is that if you stare at the rock formations long enough, they start to look like things. Like a Cheshire cat.



Or a giant vagina!!






Then it was back to Uluru to get yet another picture of the damn rock. I took so many stupid pictures of this thing that I never want to see an Australian postcard ever again. I felt like we were dating. Uluru is expecting pebbles next spring.





Sunrise at the Rock.



Yeah, yeah I know. Ayers Rock is sacred to the Aboriginals. And they get really upset when someone gets hurt or worse, dies (as 35 people have done,) while climbing the Rock. Well I do respect other cultures but let's get realistic for a second. I didn't fly halfway around the world and drive 2700kms to take a bloody picture!!



My parents climbed this thing about 10 years ago and I have to hand it to them this climb is pretty tricky in spots. The first half has a sort of chain railing that you have to hang onto otherwise the wind would blow you off the edge. After that you're on your own!



I raced as quickly as I could up to the summit so as to be the first one that day to conquer the Rock!!! I later found out that this feat is about as prestigious as getting "employee of the month" at McDonald's.



Still it was very peaceful up there, I had the whole place to myself for twenty minutes and it really was beautiful. We also stopped by the cultural center to learn more about the Aboriginals, and as much as I do joke about it, the culture aspect was pretty interesting!!



The next day we headed past the north/south marker and headed down to the mining town of Coober Pedy, the Opal capital of Australia.



This is a picture of the hostel we stayed at. I'm not kidding, it used to be an underground mine!!!



One thing I can say is that the mine was warm, the temperature had been hovering around one degree for the last few days and a real bed was certainly a welcome change!



After an amazing sleep we said goodbye to the Outback and headed off to Adelaide. This trip was incredible and if you're ever in Australia I would highly recommend it!!

Cairns-Alice Springs (June 16-18)

So after saying goodbye to a good friend of mine from Amsterdam with a few shots of the dreaded Absinthe, I decided it was high time to get the hell out of Cairns and start seeing the 'real' Australia. Cairns is a fun city if you're into freezing your ass off in the lagoon

or trying to purchase a pair of sandals in the shape of crocodiles.....it's basically tourist shit heaven. So I opted instead to sign up for a three day outback tour that would take me all the way out to Alice Springs in the middle of the Northern Territory. Besides, I was sick of the weather as it had been raining solidly for almost 12 straight days and I figured if it didn't get sunny in the outback then it never would. This was my tour guide Al.

What I didn't realize was that God was playing a cruel joke on me that weekend and decided to make it pour even harder after the first day on the road. Since most of the roads were washed out, we couldn't take any of the dirt paths and had to stick to the paved roads instead, which changed out trip from a meager 2100kms to an excruciating 2700kms.......sweet! The picture bellow was taken of a road as it was washing out underneath us!

For those of you who want to feel like you're the last person left on the face of the earth I highly recommend the drive. There is absolutely NOTHING out there minus a few scattered towns that look like the set of the movie "Wolf Creek." On our first day, we stopped off at a pub that made you feel right at home by displaying all of the pickled poisonous snakes that had been caught around the bar.

In the backyard there was an emu that would casually stroll into the pub when it was bored. There was also this guy who was a little pissed off so we kept our distance!

I still showed them how we did it in Canada though!

That night we stopped off at at a quaint little town for the night and partied in the only hostel/bar in the area with all the locals. These were interesting people if you enjoyed debating the finer points of cattle farming and shitalking the local cops when they came to clear everyone out at around three in the morning. The 'ol "Nelson Charm" wasn't working that night so I had to resort to other means...

The next day we departed for the town of Waltzing Matilda which is a really big deal in Aus because it's the name of their unofficial national anthem. It's a song about a thief who commits suicide by drowning himself in a waterhole rather than face some jail time for stealing a sheep. Thankfully, this way of thinking has percolated into all forms of Australian culture today and honestly I think it's amazing that some of these people can even get their legs through the correct pant hole in the morning.

After that it was off to the Walkabout Creek Hotel where the movie Crocodile Dundee was filmed. (The first one that is, not the one where Paul Hogan goes to New York or whatever..)

That night we celebrated out arrival at the hotel by getting wasted and making passes at one another.

With a hangover and an early start under our belts the next day we took off at five in the morning so we could make it to the natural rock formation known as "Devils Marbles." At one point in the road, there are no curves for 67 kms, you really do feel like you're in the middle of nowhere!

The devil's marbles truly are an incredible sight, they were formed by a combination of erosion and cracks in the earth's crust and the whole site, (we were told repeatedly ad nauseum,) is sacred to the aboriginals.

Very sacred to the aboriginals....

EXTREMELY sacred to the aboriginals!!!!!

Finally it was off to one of the only four remaining telegraph stations in Australia before we made it into Alice Springs. I only took one pic of the town but I think I managed to capture both the cultural divide and the unique history that makes this one of the most lawless and dangerous towns to live in in all of Australia.